Hyde's Guide - Châteaux

Château de Versailles

When I was nineteen, I moved to Paris to write a book. Too busy revelling in the experience of living alone for the first time, I didn't write a single word, but I did go to Versailles. I got the RER C, bedecked in decals of grand chandeliers, completely unaware that the visit would change my life.

I knew little of French history, even less about Louis XIV, but I would emerge from my visit at the sound of the alarm heralding the château’s closing, transformed.

There's liking a place, and then there's spending a period of your life going to bed, shutting your eyes and recounting every detail of it, once again walking its corridors and gardens, feeling a fictional sun on your back and knowing only contentment. To this day, I can draw a floor plan of the château from memory and, even sadder, adjust it accordingly depending on the changes each King made.

The ‘incroyable’ Canal+ series Versailles started airing soon after I came home and filled the void, but I could only bear to watch the first two seasons. I knew that in the third, Marie-Thérèse would die, and George Blagden would suffer the indignities of ageing - it was too much!

I went back to Paris, to Versailles, and other châteaus, but when I was twenty-five and enjoying the spoils of redundancy, I moved back to Paris to actually write a book, and (going through heartbreak) decided to go back to both the television show Versailles and physically visit every filming location covered by a Navigo.

As such, my claim that I enjoy traversing ancient châteaus is completely legitimate, and I am pleased to present my guide.

Château de Chantilly

During the Second World War, Hitler ordered the destruction of Warsaw’s Old Town, including its Royal Castle. In an act of incredible dignity, the post-occupation Polish government decided to rebuild the Old Town exactly as it had been, as a monument to the country's history and culture, with the money donated to reconstruct the Royal Castle coming primarily from the Polish people. It is precisely this dignity that is lacking from the Château de Chantilly.

The original was destroyed during the French Revolution and was 'rebuilt' by Henri d'Orléans with an air of vulgarity more presently found in the halls of Harrods or people claiming to be members of the Greek royal family, but one perfectly suitable an Orléaniste¹.

Traversing the halls of Chantilly, having paid eighteen euros for the privilege, it is easy for one's lips to naturally downturn as you whisper in hushed tones, “Simulacrum.”

The people working there will try to distract you by shoving the Equestrian show and Chantilly cream down your throat. Did you know this is where Chantilly cream comes from? Well why not have some at one of the château's incredibly overpriced restaurants?

As for the Equestrian show, I’m going to let it speak for itself.

Cons
- Transport to Chantilly is not included within the Navigo Pass scheme, so it makes for a very expensive day out.
- The horses need Olaplex.
- Gift shop lacking entirely.

Pros
- Great gardens, beautiful gardens.
- For some reason, there are kangaroos, and you will not believe the signs pointing you to the kangaroos, but you will persist, and be delighted when you see them (and hungry - the food is expensive!)

Château de la Belle au Bois Dormant

Lacking input from the holy trinity of Le Vau, Le Nôtre and Le Brun, this château’s identity and place in greater French history is yet to be determined. Some uppity locals may have decried it as a 'Cultural Chernobyl', but what the château lacks in beautifully furnished rooms, it makes up for in sheer convenience. Close to haunted mansions and big thunder mountains, it is also just a short boat ride to the Caribbean. 

Cons
Expensive dining options.

Pros
Dragon in basement.